Time for Change

I woke up this morning with a pain in my stomach. And yesterday, I walked, not ran, up forty steps to get to my CTA train. It felt like my lungs were going to squeeze the life at me. At 270 pounds, it's time for a change.

I love to travel, but feel so embarrassed when my fat pushes into the seat of the poor passenger who has to sit next to me. I feel so inconsiderate and it's painful.  It's time for a change.

I love roller coasters. I always have. But three summers ago, I went to Six Flags and tried to ride one of my favorite rides, the Batman, and I couldn't fit into the seat and couldn't ride the ride. I had to get out of my seat after waiting in line. I love that ride. It's time for a change.

My clothes are too small for me. There are pants suits that I adore wearing that I can't fit into anymore. There's a pair of Calvin Klein shorts that I bought too small, promising myself I'd slim down into them. I can't fit into any of my jeans. I like wearing jeans. They're cute. It's time for a change.

Diabetes is in my family. And cancer. And I hate the way it feels to walk as slow as I do and have my friends complain about it. Or to not be able to walk up stairs without feeling terrible. I want Angela Basset arms. I don't want to get sick so much, like I am sick today. I want more energy. I want to be able to do more things. I want to run a 5K. I want to dance in a dance competition, and get score of 5 just like in Silver Linings Playbook. It's time for a change.

I want to have confidence. Confidence enough to pursue my dream careers. Confidence enough to talk to an attractive guy and not be thinking that he has no interest in talking to me. Confidence to say what I want and to go after what I want. I want to really and truly like myself. And I know that comes from more than just weight loss, but caring about myself and taking care of myself will certainly build this confidence. It's time for a change.

I could dig deep and go over all the issues that have made me fat. I could dwell on my past. How I used to be thin. How I have gained one hundred and twenty pounds in the past twenty years. I could analyze  why why why. Or I could take action, one step at a time and make change.

Things have got to get better. And I'm sick and tired of feeling sorry for myself. It is time for me to make change.

Losin' it with love,

T